This post began as a response to Nita’s comments…
Thank you for your comments.
I’ve never understood why women are sometimes so nasty towards each other either. In fact, in my own life, many of the cruelest things I’ve heard said about women are by other women in situations where the men I interact with quite simply wouldn’t say anything simply to avoid being rude / inappropriate –- many of my male acquaintances, for example, do not use language which is ‘coarse’ in front of me and certainly wouldn’t dream of using words like bitch / slut etc. within my hearing (although there is no doubt in my mind that they do use them when I’m out of earshot).
I too doubt that men are as judgmental about other men although I think that that may have to do with men being allowed more leeway in general. So even if most men allow other men the ordinary liberties which all men are allowed without making any special exceptions, what it amounts to is men being able to ‘get away with’ more, so to speak.
It seems to me that most men very clearly divide women into categories; two categories to be specific: one of sluts, whores, etc. and the other of sisters, mothers, etc.; one category which they fail to treat with even the most basic courtesy and the other which they respect (or claim to respect).
One of the explanations I’ve come across to explain why women are so harsh on each other is because they know that it is extremely easy to go from being treated with respect to not being treated with respect — all it could take is something like having one partner too many — and it is this knowledge that not only makes them realize that their own position is precarious but also encourages them to do whatever it takes to maintain it and denigrate those who fail to do so. After all, minus financial independence, in practical terms, the difference could quite easily determine whether or a woman has a roof over her head.
As far as feminism goes, I dislike having the term ‘feminist’ with all the negative connotations associated with it being applied to me because I don’t see myself believing in anything other than that which the legal and social systems in most parts of the world profess to believe: that people — whether they be men or women — should be treated equally, non-abusively and with respect.
I don’t know if feminism has got a bad name simply because some feminists tend to be, well, rabid, or if speaking badly of both feminism and feminists is simply how many men have chosen to respond to women who assert themselves.
Personally, I’ve got a lot of really nasty mail from people who simply don’t like what I think because they believe that women should necessarily stay at home, cook, clean and have children. Also, one thing which once got me a little worried is seeing some of these people coordinate with each other online, discuss what they’ve each been saying to people they disapprove of, create formats in which to send mail to such people and encourage each other to mail them. Seeing that happen was the first time I realised what it must be like to be a child and have pedophiles coordinate with each other in reference to one — I’m not equating myself with a child in that position in any way or saying that any of men who’ve mailed me are criminal, I’m only saying that they can be very well-organised and that their organisation can be overwhelming (not to mention intimidating).
Related reading:
[1] Judging a Magazine by its Cover: How Women are Defined : http://mediacrit.wetpaint.com/page/Judging+a+Magazine+by+its+Cover:+How+Women+are+Defined?t=anon[2] What Women Lawyers Really Think of Each Other : http://www.abajournal.com/magazine/what_women_lawyers_really_think_of_each_other/
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